Before my first son a "perfect birth" meant a fabulous vaginal delivery with great bonding. After my first son my idea of a "perfect birth" used to be one where I was awake and alert because I wasn't with him. After my second son was born and died my idea of a "perfect birth" changed to living baby....nothing else matters.
My idea of a perfect birth is any birth at all. Miscarriage #1 was hard, but this constant spotting with no answers and potential miscarriage #2 is driving me insane.
Very sad answers you're getting!! But there we have it!
Healthy mom and baby and included daddy. And by healthy I mean physically, emotionally, spiritually, socially. Most likely, in my ideal situation, the "perfect birth" would include the best midwife (Jeane Ward) and the best nurses I can remember Amy and Valerie. I loved their presence at different births. Of course, if you were there I'd think it was more perfect than I could handle, meeting you and knowing I could trust you as you've been there done that.
And, I'm hoping for a healthy birth this time again in late March/early April. Baby #8 God willing!
To not have to be scared to give birth at all. To not have to be in the predicament that I am in right now about whether to have a VBAC or not because my last doctor gave me an unnecessary induction, which led to a failed 15 hour labor and emergency c-section where I was put to sleep, only to be told the next day that I was the worst patient they ever had. No one should have to give birth like that and I will never forget it either. I just want to give birth safely, trust my doctors/nurses, and be treated like a person. That is my perfect birth.
Is there such as thing as a "perfect birth"? I don't think that "healthy mom, healthy baby" should be our only goal. I agree with anonymous that a perfect birth would be one in which both mamma, baby and daddy were supported physically, emotionally, and spiritually.
I think the "ideal" or "perfect" birth image that we have depends on multiple things: what number pregnancy is this (1st, 2nd, 7th??), what our prior experiences were, if we have experienced an infant loss, if we have experienced miscarriage, if we are not pregnant at all (but hope to be someday), etc.
I appreciate all of the personal responses that you are sharing. Thank you!
I consider my two homebirths to be perfect, even though not everything went exactly as expected. The important things did, and everyone present was respectful of me, the baby and our space. I did not feel that the process was respected much at all during my hospital birth with #1.
Of course a healthy baby is important. Babies should be protected. But there are doctors and midwives who protect mother and baby carefully while still recognizing that the mother is an autonomous being who loves her baby and wants the best for him. My midwife does this. I felt we were as safe as we could possibly be AND we had a lovely birth that left me feeling like a strong, capable mother too. That is my perfect birth and I think every woman deserves it, wherever she chooses to birth.
AYC: I wouldn't necessarily add in that a "perfect birth experience" depends on what # baby you are on. Having had six kids, I hoped all of them were "good", not perfect, though. And it depends on what country you're asking the question in. In third world countries, those women just want to survive along with their babies as physically undamaged as possible. In our wealthy, privileged America, we have the luxury, sometimes, of dreaming of the ideal perfect birth. I think the whole notion of the "perfect birth" tends to be more damaging to pregnant women than it is helpful. And I've had good births, great births, and horrible births all with healthy babies and a mostly healthy me.
I like imperfect with normal as the guide - no scariness, no fear, healthy baby and mom. I mean, I am going to poop, I do every time (sorry, and the OB and nurses are so gracious but I know what happened not because of them but I know my body), probably the IUPAC, which they require for the VBAC, is probably going to fall out and may do so a couple times 'cause I have got to get up and pee, the epidural that I tried to not get (but want anyway because moving around isn't happening) will take FOREVER and I will go into transition during but there is no going back now, and I will spew. It is all cool as long as nothing is scary and everyone makes it out okay.
Healthy mom and baby. Obviously. But after that, I think the number one thing for me would be to feel respected.
And I think that goes for everyone. You know, I could name my perfect birth - unmedicated, uncomplicated vaginal delivery, good bonding time with baby, home soon after etc. etc., but that wouldn't be a perfect birth for me if my care providers weren't being respectful. I think an epidural or a long hospital stay or whatever else might be the perfect birth for someone else, but they would probably have that same desire to be respected.
As this relates to my own births - I had a gorgeous, beautiful birth with my first. It was far from perfect because I hemorrhaged badly and was separated from my baby for days, but the birth itself was amazing. My nurse and my doctor were so respectful and encouraging of all my choices. I didn't have to fight at all to have a wonderful hospital birth. I could really go on and on about how lucky I feel I had the care providers I did.
My second delivery was also great, but I had an on-call doctor and he seemed unhappy from the get-go to be there on a Friday night (and I delivered about 10 minutes after he got to the hospital, I bet the whole thing took him less than half an hour). He didn't talk to me before he touched me, he said snarky things about my previous history, he patted my belly like I was livestock or something on the way out the door. My nurses were fabulous without exception, but his behavior really colored an otherwise "perfect" birth.
So, a long comment, but it guess for me it all comes down to respect.
Coming from a future Ob-Gyn, a big THANK YOU for all these comments. Knowing your thoughts keeps me on my toes and reminds me of the things that my (future) patients care about and expect from their health care providers during their births, no matter where they are.
For me, a perfect birth would be one in which both baby and me are healthy and well, at the end of it all.
Ditto the comments about. A Healthy mom, baby, and daddy, and by healthy I mean physically, emotionally, spiritually, socially.
Also a birth where the mother feels respected, in control, listened to with her wishes (via birth plan) or decisions respected and followed.
My birth started well, but got hairy with pre-eclampsia and a dangerously low heart beat with baby for--almost had an emergency c-section. Instead of the peaceful, gentle birth I had envisioned it was a tense, fast, vacuum assisted delivery which left me with a permanent tear :(
I had a wonderful doula and midwife who followed my wishes as best she could. However I didn't feel that respected by the OB that was also there--he delivered the baby and did the stitching. He was pushy, didn't know anything of my birth plan and when the baby was out of danger and my birth plan could have been followed it wasn't.
Eventually came to terms with my labor and birth experience, the baby and I are healthy, but I still have regrets about how things went.
To the future Ob-Gyn, I would like to recommend a course from a plastic surgeon about repairing unusual vaginal tears--so they don't become permanent.
Of course any good birth ends with a healthy, happy family.
The weird thing is that if you had asked this before I had my son, I'd have been all crunchy about my answer. Spontaneous and quick labor, whatever interventions the mom wants, feeling supported through a vaginal delivery, no tearing, etc. But after an 84 hour labor followed by a cesarean? My idea of the perfect birth for next time is to schedule the next cesarean and skip the labor!
My perfect birth involves me leaving healthy and alive with a healthy, living baby. Delivery method not important (have experienced several unmedicated births, a full neonatal resuscitation, and an emergency c-section - different kids). After the resus, and later the c/s, I really just don't care about much other than my baby's being OK/healthy and me being supported and respected by medical staff and family.
I think it's a given that a perfect birth would involve a healthy mom and baby....and I don't think AYC was necessarily talking about third world countries. It was a straight forward question. You all cannot tell me you did not have some sort of a "perfect birth plan."
Mine would start with a perfect pregnancy w/o GDM, and if I do have it, it's well controlled. And no pre-e, since that was miserable. I'd like a 6-7 pound healthy baby delivered without drugs, and vaginally. Labor would be rather quick, from first contractions to delivery to be less than 24 hours. I'd like to be able to eat or drink as desired, and not forced to stay on the bed and be monitored.
The number one priority is a healthy baby and Mom. But some births go a little more smoothly than others. My idea of the perfect birth is when we meet the first criteria of safety but the mother and family feel good about the process and things just seem to flow smoothly and seamlessly. This usually includes not pushing for 2 hours!
Well, maybe I'm just being selfish, but I do not believe that if mom and baby are healthy "everything else is gravy" as anon suggested. I am also an L&D nurse, and I have seen how important that "gravy" can be. I am 10 weeks pregnant with my first, and here is my idea of a perfect birth: My baby and I will be healthy, and I will go into labor on my own between 39 and 41 weeks. I will labor and deliver vaginally at the birth center where I am getting my prenatal care (the one you toured last year! We met!) My husband will be a great labor coach, and I will cope well. Breastfeeding will work (I've had a breast reduction). Also, I would love it if I didn't have an exam that week ;) I'll be in the middle of my final semester of my CNM program when I deliver.
"I think it's a given that a perfect birth would involve a healthy mom and baby."
Agreed. I seriously doubt anyone responding would say, "One in which either the baby or me did not survive." *shrug*
At any rate, my perfect birth is one in which I am treated with respect. It's also one in which my wishes and desires for my medication preferences are completely respected (e.g., no pressure for an epidural), one in which my consent is asked for any/all interventions (circumstances permitting) and all risks and benefits of any interventions deemed necessary are explained to me and my husband with clear, truthful facts so we can make an informed decision. (No scare tactics or guilt trips, no "dead baby" card, etc.)
I'm fortunate to have had three pretty much "perfect" births (and hope to have a fourth this winter!) in the hospital -- all vaginal, all unmedicated, all wonderful.
Fortunately, I did have a nearly-perfect birth with my first (5 hour labor, relatively mild contractions for most of it), It only became less than perfect when I got to the hospital and they wouldn't listen to me to let me push how I wanted to, and then took my perfectly healthy baby to the warmer because she was "too cold". A birth where everything progresses normally, and I am allowed to labor how I feel like it, and catch my own baby- that is perfect to me. This March I hope to have a better ending at the new birth center town, or at my home (if we don't make it).
It makes me sad that there are so many women who have experienced so much sadness in their births, that making it out with both of them alive is "perfect".
Perhaps "perfect" might be better stated as "ideal" or "optimal"? Perfect is such an exacting, "high expectation," and impossible goal to reach....? And, as you hinted at, different births, babies, relationships, and scenarios largely dictate how each woman's birth experience can play out. I appreciate the question, though. It certainly has generated lots of comments!
"The perfect birth is just a healthy baby and mom" is a load of crap. I went home twice with healthy babies and I was PHYSICALLY fine (other than the massive abdominal incisions and emotional scars from an abusive provider) but I was nowhere NEAR mentally sound after those births. To me, the perfect birth is one that doesn't include a knife. Or a doctor. If I were expounding, I'd love to give birth in the spring, outdoors, near a hut with just myself for company. (See, no knives!)Until I got pregnant again, I didn't even care if the baby died, as long as I was nowhere near a hospital or those ax-wielding OBGYNs. Perfect birth=no sharp anythings near my person. (clearly, I need to go back to therapy and work on my trust/anger issues)
@LFO: we met last year?!! I met many people at that birth center and conference last year :-) I loved touring the birth center - and you lucky duck, you get to birth your baby there! Congrats!
One where the care is based upon evidence, I am the decision maker after having been given appopriate truthful information, my care providers only need to step in when things deviate from normal and my baby's basic needs for human love and contact and respect are given equal weight with it's need to healthy.
I agree with Rosemary, to me perfect means (in addition to the obvious well-being of mother and baby) that both are treated with respect and kindness, that all information is complete and truthful and delivered in a non-manipulative manner, that the mother has the final say in all that happens to her and her child (barring acute emergencies) and that the combination of evidence-based care and the mother's wishes take far higher priority than standing facility policies, CYA treatment or provider convenience.
There is ONLY ONE criterion for birth: a healthy mother and baby when it is all completed. Everything else is irrelevant. Vaginal, forceps, C/S; any and all interventions or none at all AS APPROPRIATE. That's it.
Ah, Antigonos, that is the key phrase, isn't it: as appropriate. If only that were the foundation of birth in this country. That's all anyone really wants. Healthy mother and babe (in all aspects of WHO-defined health) and treatment that is actually appropriate for that individual dyad. One day.
I think a perfect birth is one where the mom is happy with the outcome and feels EMPOWERED afterwards. I also think a birth that ends with a suckling infant is good. Too many people disregard the effect the birth process has on the ability to breastfeed.
Everyone's idea is different, but I'm pretty sure I witnessed one two nights ago. After loving on her baby for a few moments, the mom exclaimed "it couldn't have been anymore perfect! Thanks you so much!"
Healthy mom and baby. One where the mom is treated with respect and she feels empowered and supported in her choices. If a change in plan is needed, Mom is given information and is an active participant in the decision making process. The baby is also treated with respect and gentleness.
perfect birth is when the baby is able to complete the last week of pregnancy stage. the said week is very essential for the maturity of the brain, lungs, and other vital organs.
1. Go into Labor on my own. 2. Overcome feeling out of control. 3. Having baby without any medical interventions, in a hospital, with my midwife. 4. Have my husband there as a support.
The "gravy" can matter, too. I've given birth three times, and it was only the last one (this June) that left me without awful memories and those "oh god I wish they didn't do that" shudders.
This time, the nurses were amazing, supportive, super-competent, and aware of my wishes not to be held down or to labor lying down. The nurse assigned to me was a compassionate advocate. This time, the doctor was respectful, talked to me as an equal, and didn't patronize. I wasn't simply maneuvered into position, nor told that I was taking too long. This time, the baby was left on me after birth, skin-to-skin, as the very kind nurse worked around us with the eye goop and the vitamin K shot, and all that. This time, my husband and I were left alone to be with our baby, instead of a stream of personnel coming through to "check" on us and insist on bathing the baby at 30 minutes of age.
So yes, a healthy baby and mom are a necessary, but not sufficient, part of the "perfect birth." They are the very basic baseline, not a lofty goal.
All my nine births ended with healthy babies, so I am a very blessed woman. But I confess to being more happy about some of these births than about others. I had a C section for ruptured membranes, failed induction. It failed so much I didn't really have labor at all. I had two hospital VBACs; the first was a mid forceps rotation delivery. I wasn't really unhappy about that one, as it seemed better than a C section. Then I had a spontaneously completed delivery in the hospital, but the doctor had promised I could deliver in the labor bed, and just as I was about to finally, push a baby out, and was feeling powerful and wonderful, he took me up to the delivery room, I had my legs put up in stirrups, had an episiotomy, and didn't even feel the birth. I was furious! I was cursing at him as my baby was born. Not a good birth.
Probably my fourth was the closest thing to a perfect birth, for me. She was born in the front bedroom of a rowhouse in Baltimore, one I knew from the previous owner that he and his four siblings had been born in. My labor was about four hours, my friend who had been to about 30 births arrived just in time to catch, and my FP doc came right away afterwards to check up on me and the baby. It was simple, uncomplicated, uninterventive, uneventful. My other kids came in right afterwards and we all snuggled in bed together. It was a beautiful sunny fall morning. I really did think it was perfect.
The rest of my home births were all less than perfect for one reason or another. But none of them involved the sense of loss of control of the hospital births. I guess the perfect birth for me is one where I am just left alone to get on with it and have my baby with no one telling me what to do. ..but not entirely alone. I don't need too much support, but a little company is preferable!
I regret that I am too old now to do it again! Susan Peterson
A perfect birth...one in which the woman is treated as though she is a thinking individual who feels and knows what she wants. That the best place for a healthy (and in certain situations an unhealthy) child is on mama's belly snuggling and working towards the breast. I haven't had a bad birth experience at all...but some of my closest friends have.
44 comments:
Before my first son a "perfect birth" meant a fabulous vaginal delivery with great bonding. After my first son my idea of a "perfect birth" used to be one where I was awake and alert because I wasn't with him. After my second son was born and died my idea of a "perfect birth" changed to living baby....nothing else matters.
The kind where both the mother and baby leave the hospital alive.
~a mother who left the hospital to plan a funeral
My idea of a perfect birth is any birth at all. Miscarriage #1 was hard, but this constant spotting with no answers and potential miscarriage #2 is driving me insane.
Very sad answers you're getting!! But there we have it!
Love your blog!
A birth in which the mother and baby are treated with support, love, respect, and competent midwifery-style care.
What do you think?
One with a baby that is safe, healthy, and alive.
Healthy mom and baby and included daddy. And by healthy I mean physically, emotionally, spiritually, socially. Most likely, in my ideal situation, the "perfect birth" would include the best midwife (Jeane Ward) and the best nurses I can remember Amy and Valerie. I loved their presence at different births. Of course, if you were there I'd think it was more perfect than I could handle, meeting you and knowing I could trust you as you've been there done that.
And, I'm hoping for a healthy birth this time again in late March/early April. Baby #8 God willing!
Blessings!
Dawn
To not have to be scared to give birth at all. To not have to be in the predicament that I am in right now about whether to have a VBAC or not because my last doctor gave me an unnecessary induction, which led to a failed 15 hour labor and emergency c-section where I was put to sleep, only to be told the next day that I was the worst patient they ever had. No one should have to give birth like that and I will never forget it either. I just want to give birth safely, trust my doctors/nurses, and be treated like a person. That is my perfect birth.
Is there such as thing as a "perfect birth"? I don't think that "healthy mom, healthy baby" should be our only goal. I agree with anonymous that a perfect birth would be one in which both mamma, baby and daddy were supported physically, emotionally, and spiritually.
One where mom and baby are happy and mom is happy with her birth,
Very interesting responses ladies.
I think the "ideal" or "perfect" birth image that we have depends on multiple things: what number pregnancy is this (1st, 2nd, 7th??), what our prior experiences were, if we have experienced an infant loss, if we have experienced miscarriage, if we are not pregnant at all (but hope to be someday), etc.
I appreciate all of the personal responses that you are sharing. Thank you!
I consider my two homebirths to be perfect, even though not everything went exactly as expected. The important things did, and everyone present was respectful of me, the baby and our space. I did not feel that the process was respected much at all during my hospital birth with #1.
Of course a healthy baby is important. Babies should be protected. But there are doctors and midwives who protect mother and baby carefully while still recognizing that the mother is an autonomous being who loves her baby and wants the best for him. My midwife does this. I felt we were as safe as we could possibly be AND we had a lovely birth that left me feeling like a strong, capable mother too. That is my perfect birth and I think every woman deserves it, wherever she chooses to birth.
AYC: I wouldn't necessarily add in that a "perfect birth experience" depends on what # baby you are on. Having had six kids, I hoped all of them were "good", not perfect, though. And it depends on what country you're asking the question in. In third world countries, those women just want to survive along with their babies as physically undamaged as possible. In our wealthy, privileged America, we have the luxury, sometimes, of dreaming of the ideal perfect birth. I think the whole notion of the "perfect birth" tends to be more damaging to pregnant women than it is helpful. And I've had good births, great births, and horrible births all with healthy babies and a mostly healthy me.
If you and baby both leave the hospital alive and well, I'd say you had the perfect birth. The rest is all gravy.
healthy mom and baby is a given.
after that, a birth where mom feels safe, supported and informed.
Whatever those three things mean to her.
I like imperfect with normal as the guide - no scariness, no fear, healthy baby and mom. I mean, I am going to poop, I do every time (sorry, and the OB and nurses are so gracious but I know what happened not because of them but I know my body), probably the IUPAC, which they require for the VBAC, is probably going to fall out and may do so a couple times 'cause I have got to get up and pee, the epidural that I tried to not get (but want anyway because moving around isn't happening) will take FOREVER and I will go into transition during but there is no going back now, and I will spew. It is all cool as long as nothing is scary and everyone makes it out okay.
Healthy mom and baby. Obviously. But after that, I think the number one thing for me would be to feel respected.
And I think that goes for everyone. You know, I could name my perfect birth - unmedicated, uncomplicated vaginal delivery, good bonding time with baby, home soon after etc. etc., but that wouldn't be a perfect birth for me if my care providers weren't being respectful. I think an epidural or a long hospital stay or whatever else might be the perfect birth for someone else, but they would probably have that same desire to be respected.
As this relates to my own births - I had a gorgeous, beautiful birth with my first. It was far from perfect because I hemorrhaged badly and was separated from my baby for days, but the birth itself was amazing. My nurse and my doctor were so respectful and encouraging of all my choices. I didn't have to fight at all to have a wonderful hospital birth. I could really go on and on about how lucky I feel I had the care providers I did.
My second delivery was also great, but I had an on-call doctor and he seemed unhappy from the get-go to be there on a Friday night (and I delivered about 10 minutes after he got to the hospital, I bet the whole thing took him less than half an hour). He didn't talk to me before he touched me, he said snarky things about my previous history, he patted my belly like I was livestock or something on the way out the door. My nurses were fabulous without exception, but his behavior really colored an otherwise "perfect" birth.
So, a long comment, but it guess for me it all comes down to respect.
Coming from a future Ob-Gyn, a big THANK YOU for all these comments. Knowing your thoughts keeps me on my toes and reminds me of the things that my (future) patients care about and expect from their health care providers during their births, no matter where they are.
For me, a perfect birth would be one in which both baby and me are healthy and well, at the end of it all.
Again, thank you!
Ditto the comments about. A Healthy mom, baby, and daddy, and by healthy I mean physically, emotionally, spiritually, socially.
Also a birth where the mother feels respected, in control, listened to with her wishes (via birth plan) or decisions respected and followed.
My birth started well, but got hairy with pre-eclampsia and a dangerously low heart beat with baby for--almost had an emergency c-section. Instead of the peaceful, gentle birth I had envisioned it was a tense, fast, vacuum assisted delivery which left me with a permanent tear :(
I had a wonderful doula and midwife who followed my wishes as best she could. However I didn't feel that respected by the OB that was also there--he delivered the baby and did the stitching. He was pushy, didn't know anything of my birth plan and when the baby was out of danger and my birth plan could have been followed it wasn't.
Eventually came to terms with my labor and birth experience, the baby and I are healthy, but I still have regrets about how things went.
To the future Ob-Gyn, I would like to recommend a course from a plastic surgeon about repairing unusual vaginal tears--so they don't become permanent.
Of course any good birth ends with a healthy, happy family.
The weird thing is that if you had asked this before I had my son, I'd have been all crunchy about my answer. Spontaneous and quick labor, whatever interventions the mom wants, feeling supported through a vaginal delivery, no tearing, etc. But after an 84 hour labor followed by a cesarean? My idea of the perfect birth for next time is to schedule the next cesarean and skip the labor!
My perfect birth involves me leaving healthy and alive with a healthy, living baby. Delivery method not important (have experienced several unmedicated births, a full neonatal resuscitation, and an emergency c-section - different kids). After the resus, and later the c/s, I really just don't care about much other than my baby's being OK/healthy and me being supported and respected by medical staff and family.
I think it's a given that a perfect birth would involve a healthy mom and baby....and I don't think AYC was necessarily talking about third world countries. It was a straight forward question. You all cannot tell me you did not have some sort of a "perfect birth plan."
Mine would start with a perfect pregnancy w/o GDM, and if I do have it, it's well controlled. And no pre-e, since that was miserable. I'd like a 6-7 pound healthy baby delivered without drugs, and vaginally. Labor would be rather quick, from first contractions to delivery to be less than 24 hours. I'd like to be able to eat or drink as desired, and not forced to stay on the bed and be monitored.
The number one priority is a healthy baby and Mom. But some births go a little more smoothly than others. My idea of the perfect birth is when we meet the first criteria of safety but the mother and family feel good about the process and things just seem to flow smoothly and seamlessly. This usually includes not pushing for 2 hours!
Well, maybe I'm just being selfish, but I do not believe that if mom and baby are healthy "everything else is gravy" as anon suggested. I am also an L&D nurse, and I have seen how important that "gravy" can be.
I am 10 weeks pregnant with my first, and here is my idea of a perfect birth:
My baby and I will be healthy, and I will go into labor on my own between 39 and 41 weeks. I will labor and deliver vaginally at the birth center where I am getting my prenatal care (the one you toured last year! We met!) My husband will be a great labor coach, and I will cope well. Breastfeeding will work (I've had a breast reduction).
Also, I would love it if I didn't have an exam that week ;) I'll be in the middle of my final semester of my CNM program when I deliver.
"I think it's a given that a perfect birth would involve a healthy mom and baby."
Agreed. I seriously doubt anyone responding would say, "One in which either the baby or me did not survive." *shrug*
At any rate, my perfect birth is one in which I am treated with respect. It's also one in which my wishes and desires for my medication preferences are completely respected (e.g., no pressure for an epidural), one in which my consent is asked for any/all interventions (circumstances permitting) and all risks and benefits of any interventions deemed necessary are explained to me and my husband with clear, truthful facts so we can make an informed decision. (No scare tactics or guilt trips, no "dead baby" card, etc.)
I'm fortunate to have had three pretty much "perfect" births (and hope to have a fourth this winter!) in the hospital -- all vaginal, all unmedicated, all wonderful.
Fortunately, I did have a nearly-perfect birth with my first (5 hour labor, relatively mild contractions for most of it), It only became less than perfect when I got to the hospital and they wouldn't listen to me to let me push how I wanted to, and then took my perfectly healthy baby to the warmer because she was "too cold". A birth where everything progresses normally, and I am allowed to labor how I feel like it, and catch my own baby- that is perfect to me.
This March I hope to have a better ending at the new birth center town, or at my home (if we don't make it).
It makes me sad that there are so many women who have experienced so much sadness in their births, that making it out with both of them alive is "perfect".
Perhaps "perfect" might be better stated as "ideal" or "optimal"? Perfect is such an exacting, "high expectation," and impossible goal to reach....? And, as you hinted at, different births, babies, relationships, and scenarios largely dictate how each woman's birth experience can play out. I appreciate the question, though. It certainly has generated lots of comments!
I want to wake up to a happy healthy baby, and the peach cobbler at TX Women's! Perfect!
"The perfect birth is just a healthy baby and mom" is a load of crap.
I went home twice with healthy babies and I was PHYSICALLY fine (other than the massive abdominal incisions and emotional scars from an abusive provider) but I was nowhere NEAR mentally sound after those births.
To me, the perfect birth is one that doesn't include a knife. Or a doctor.
If I were expounding, I'd love to give birth in the spring, outdoors, near a hut with just myself for company. (See, no knives!)Until I got pregnant again, I didn't even care if the baby died, as long as I was nowhere near a hospital or those ax-wielding OBGYNs.
Perfect birth=no sharp anythings near my person. (clearly, I need to go back to therapy and work on my trust/anger issues)
@LFO: we met last year?!! I met many people at that birth center and conference last year :-) I loved touring the birth center - and you lucky duck, you get to birth your baby there! Congrats!
One where the care is based upon evidence, I am the decision maker after having been given appopriate truthful information, my care providers only need to step in when things deviate from normal and my baby's basic needs for human love and contact and respect are given equal weight with it's need to healthy.
I agree with Rosemary, to me perfect means (in addition to the obvious well-being of mother and baby) that both are treated with respect and kindness, that all information is complete and truthful and delivered in a non-manipulative manner, that the mother has the final say in all that happens to her and her child (barring acute emergencies) and that the combination of evidence-based care and the mother's wishes take far higher priority than standing facility policies, CYA treatment or provider convenience.
There is ONLY ONE criterion for birth: a healthy mother and baby when it is all completed. Everything else is irrelevant. Vaginal, forceps, C/S; any and all interventions or none at all AS APPROPRIATE. That's it.
Ah, Antigonos, that is the key phrase, isn't it: as appropriate. If only that were the foundation of birth in this country. That's all anyone really wants. Healthy mother and babe (in all aspects of WHO-defined health) and treatment that is actually appropriate for that individual dyad. One day.
Healthy me, healthy babe, prompt and adequate pain relief.
So many sad comments here.
I think a perfect birth is one where the mom is happy with the outcome and feels EMPOWERED afterwards. I also think a birth that ends with a suckling infant is good. Too many people disregard the effect the birth process has on the ability to breastfeed.
Everyone's idea is different, but I'm pretty sure I witnessed one two nights ago. After loving on her baby for a few moments, the mom exclaimed "it couldn't have been anymore perfect! Thanks you so much!"
Healthy mom and baby. One where the mom is treated with respect and she feels empowered and supported in her choices. If a change in plan is needed, Mom is given information and is an active participant in the decision making process. The baby is also treated with respect and gentleness.
perfect birth is when the baby is able to complete the last week of pregnancy stage. the said week is very essential for the maturity of the brain, lungs, and other vital organs.
1. Go into Labor on my own.
2. Overcome feeling out of control.
3. Having baby without any medical interventions, in a hospital, with my midwife.
4. Have my husband there as a support.
The "gravy" can matter, too. I've given birth three times, and it was only the last one (this June) that left me without awful memories and those "oh god I wish they didn't do that" shudders.
This time, the nurses were amazing, supportive, super-competent, and aware of my wishes not to be held down or to labor lying down. The nurse assigned to me was a compassionate advocate. This time, the doctor was respectful, talked to me as an equal, and didn't patronize. I wasn't simply maneuvered into position, nor told that I was taking too long. This time, the baby was left on me after birth, skin-to-skin, as the very kind nurse worked around us with the eye goop and the vitamin K shot, and all that. This time, my husband and I were left alone to be with our baby, instead of a stream of personnel coming through to "check" on us and insist on bathing the baby at 30 minutes of age.
So yes, a healthy baby and mom are a necessary, but not sufficient, part of the "perfect birth." They are the very basic baseline, not a lofty goal.
All my nine births ended with healthy babies, so I am a very blessed woman. But I confess to being more happy about some of these births than about others. I had a C section for ruptured membranes, failed induction. It failed so much I didn't really have labor at all. I had two hospital VBACs; the first was a mid forceps rotation delivery. I wasn't really unhappy about that one, as it seemed better than a C section. Then I had a spontaneously completed delivery in the hospital, but the doctor had promised I could deliver in the labor bed, and just as I was about to finally, push a baby out, and was feeling powerful and wonderful, he took me up to the delivery room, I had my legs put up in stirrups, had an episiotomy, and didn't even feel the birth. I was furious! I was cursing at him as my baby was born. Not a good birth.
Probably my fourth was the closest thing to a perfect birth, for me. She was born in the front bedroom of a rowhouse in Baltimore, one I knew from the previous owner that he and his four siblings had been born in. My labor was about four hours, my friend who had been to about 30 births arrived just in time to catch, and my FP doc came right away afterwards to check up on me and the baby. It was simple, uncomplicated, uninterventive, uneventful. My other kids came in right afterwards and we all snuggled in bed together. It was a beautiful sunny fall morning. I really did think it was perfect.
The rest of my home births were all less than perfect for one reason or another. But none of them involved the sense of loss of control of the hospital births. I guess the perfect birth for me is one where I am just left alone to get on with it and have my baby with no one telling me what to do. ..but not entirely alone. I don't need too much support, but a little company is preferable!
I regret that I am too old now to do it again!
Susan Peterson
A perfect birth...one in which the woman is treated as though she is a thinking individual who feels and knows what she wants. That the best place for a healthy (and in certain situations an unhealthy) child is on mama's belly snuggling and working towards the breast.
I haven't had a bad birth experience at all...but some of my closest friends have.
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