Hello? The nurse is holding your baby here, trying to show him/her to you! And you're texting??
Huge pet peeve of mine. (Note: the picture above was grabbed from the internet, but I see this all too often on L&D.)
I've written before about the personal electronic gadgetry overuse by patients and families on L&D. The above picture pretty much sums up how I see too many new parents very soon after their births. Why this overwhelming desire to text/facebook/twitter to everyone that they just gave birth, while ignoring their new baby? It's not just a brief thing of texting either. It's constant.
Hello?!? There is a new human being right HERE! Want to pay attention to the product of your nine months of gestation?
Or, are we so distanced from the entire pregnancy and birth process, especially with the increasing epidural rates, that we (as mothers) feel no connection to what our body has been working so hard towards: having a baby?
No doubt in my mind that epidural use distances a woman from what her body is doing. Numb the pain, numb the process, and she becomes a passive participant in labor and birth.
Back to the above picture........
How can we reduce the physical and emotional distancing of mothers and their babies?
The AtYourCervix Guide to Mother/Baby care after birth:
1. Baby goes right to a warm blanket on your chest immediately after birth. (*Unless for whatever reason, the baby must go to the warmer for resuscitation. Baby comes back to mom ASAP.)
2. Baby is dried and new warm blankets are used to replace the wet blankets. Baby stays on mother's chest.
3. Newborn care is postponed while mother and baby bond. There is no rush to weigh, measure, or do footprints/ID bands.
4. Mom and baby move towards skin to skin, if mom agrees to do so.
5. If mom doesn't want to do skin to skin, baby remains on mom for as long as she wants.
6. Dad/support partners can take pictures of new mom and baby. They can also let others know that baby was born. (Of course, it's my own personal preference that support persons wait on this, since everyone else always wants to know the birth weight and length, which has not been obtained at this point yet.)
7. If mom is planning to breastfeed, now is the time to see if baby is showing any interest yet. If baby not interested yet, encourage continued skin to skin contact.
8. No time limits on skin to skin contact for mom and baby.
31 comments:
I love your "guide". Excellent! It is mostly the way I saw it happen up here...however, what with more texting going on.... :( the trend seems to depersonalize everything.
We went to my cousin's for Christmas and took no laptops, cellphones or anything digital communications related... and for 2 whole days - it was wonderful. Everyone actually communicating in person. Hugs. REAL smiley faces. It was fabulous.
My youngest child's birth was pretty depersonalized. The nurse let me hold him while the OB was stitching me. Then she took him to the warmer to examine him (he was in no distress). I asked the OB if he would hold him for a photo and he said the nurse was busy with him and rushed out of the room.
My dh was on his cell phone calling people to let him know our son had arrived.
At least I got to keep him with me as much as possible when I was sent over to postpartum.
I somewhat agree with your point of view about epidurals making the experience numbing and less personal...but I also think that it is dependent upon the patient. As you know, epidurals take away the majority of pain in the abd, but not the pressure one feels or the shaking one gets from the hormones & the hard work your body is doing. I got a labor epidural at 5 cms but felt very attached and part of the process. Perhaps b/c it only took effect on half of my body and I chose not to have it re-done. I don't know.
I do wish at the hospital I work at that everyone was less focused on rushing to get things done. I'd love to see more moms have skin to skin contact directly following delivery without the doctors screaming at us to hurry and get the weight for them! So annoying!
I agree with you, yet I am totally guilty of this. I had a natural childbirth. My husband took pictures of our first breastfeeding experience, and once I had the baby settled, I was on the phone. Seeing the pictures just annoys me now. I don't know why I did it. My next will be different.
this is just how it went for the birth of our third child eight weeks ago-- he stayed right on my chest and didn't get weighed for a couple of hours. About a half hour after the birth I did make brief calls to my mom and sister to let them know he had arrived safely, but no facebooking. :) He nursed beautifully within the first hour after the birth.
I think you're right on so many levels. I'm a nurse in the ER where the use of a cell phone is a huge problem. Look, if a person signs in with crushing chest pain and you go out to the lobby to find him texting on his cell phone it discredits him as a real emergency. I make entries in the patients chart all the time that read, "Patient on his cell phone when I entered room to do an assessment." We have posted reminders all over the ER to cut down on the use but, it doesn't seem to help.
I have no desire to text once I have a living baby to hold, but I have to say I am grateful the cell phone rules were relaxed between the birth of my first and second child. With my first child, there was no cell phone usage in the hospital, but anxious relatives were put through to my l&d room despite my plea to the nurse to just hang up on them for me. My second child was stillborn, and I was so, so glad to have the distraction of the photos my parents who were caring for my oldest texted me. Seeing that he, at least, was ok was so important to me.
I'm pregnant with my third now, and assuming all goes well, I bet I'll text a photo of him to the proud big brother by way of his grandparents pretty fast. Then I'll turn it off to enjoy my new baby, but I'm so glad that I get to keep control of my contact with my family, especially my oldest child.
I used that same picture on my post about texting and facebooking during birth.
http://enjoybirth.com/blog/2010/12/01/texting-and-facebooking-your-way-through-birth/
I think it is something I will now be talking about with my doula clients before birth, so they will think about it and make a conscious decision about what they WANT before habit overtakes them.
I like your guide and certainly if hospitals followed that it would help too.
I think that so many moms do it out of habit and the need to be connected. But I think that it can lead to disconnect from the birthing process. Maybe not for everyone, but for most.
With one of mine my husband called my family and handed me the phone. I had the baby, the phone, the stupid little suction thing, and a doctor pepper in my hands. I almost threw the phone at him!
DO NOT charge for recovery in the same room for the birth...per 15 minute incriments! I learned they did that at my last birth...I was charged a fee for being in the same room I labored in by 15 minute incriments. I only used the room for 3 hours before the birth, so why in the world did I get charged for two more hours? Ugh! That does NOT help mom bond with baby, they are trying to hurry mom over to the other room or worse yet, leave baby on warmer after mom gets it together and then set mom in wheel chair and she waits 1/2 an hour for the nurses to come back and is charged for that time! I actually was cleaned up and placed in wheel chair while my baby was placed on a warmer (not with dad?). I sat there for a minute and realized the ridiculous, I was waiting for nurses and my baby whom I love was on that stupid warming table. And then there's the policy of having to put baby in a swaddle bundle in the bassinette in the hallway. I would rather, if I have to switch rooms, carry baby in my arms. If you see on the monitor a mother holding a baby in her arms with a nurse pushing her in a wheelchair, I believe that's good enough for the safety issue. Hate seperation even if it baby is right there. Same with having to carry baby out in the car seat. Ugh.
Blessings!
Dawn
I can't believe you feel like a woman getting an epidural depersonalizes her experience! It is definitely dependent on the pt. Many women enudure the pain of labor and experience every bit of that pain and make the decision that they would like an epidural because that is what they want! That doesn't mean that they are any less connected to that child or they don't realize the work that went into the labor process! It it that specific woman's decision whether or not she decided to get an epidural and she shouldn't be made to feel guilty about that.
Excellent. I really wonder if post-partum depression has a relationship to all this medicalization of birth, including induction, epidurals, etc. Certainly anything that physically separates the mother from the baby gets in the way of the natural bonding process. Obviously we're not saying a woman who doesn't have a natural birth with kangaroo care can't bond with her baby, or that she loves her baby less or something. That's ridiculous. We aren't just a product of our hormonal processes, and to say a parent's love depends entirely on what happens at the birth would imply that, for instance, adoptive parents aren't capable of "really" loving their children. And that's just not true.
But anything we can do to make it a little bit easier, to get out of nature's way, is what we should be doing as a general hope. Not a universal rule or requirement, but a hope for sure.
I'm expecting our third (living) child in March. As part of a pregnancy community, there are SO MANY moms posting pictures of themselves with their birth story written out in less than 48 hours after the birth! Not me! I'm one that (with the last two births) posted a sex/name/weight/length when we got home, and then not much more for days and days. I have friends who post contraction counts on Facebook! We're having a homebirth this time - I'm not posting a thing because I don't want people showing up to "help" or break up our one-on-one time with the newbie!
Working with the TV is a challenge for me. So many of the families I work with as an LC on the postpartum floor have the TV on 24/7, and the speaker is built right into the patient's bed, so as I'm working with them all the noise is right next to my ears, mom's ears, the baby's ears... It surprises me that people don't offer to turn it off more often, but I can be in there working very intently with people for half an hour and they never even seem to notice the TV is on. I balance wanting to suggest we turn it off (I will suggest turning it down, or just turn it down myself if it makes it really hard to hear) and not wanting to seem like I'm trying to be too controlling of their environment.
Rebecca - the TV on 24/7 is another pet peeve of mine - especially when it's on full blast! I will reach for the call bell (where the volume and speaker also reside) and turn the volume WAY down, when I'm in the room & trying to do patient teaching.
Momof3 - I absolutely believe that an epidural not only numbs the pain, but also numbs the entire process of birth. Without a doubt, by breaking the hormonal feedback loop of pain as it relates to oxytocin has SOME negative changes to how a woman responds to both her labor and her immediate postpartum experience. I'm willing to bet that women who have epidurals have LESS of an oxytocin surge after the birth than women who do not have epidurals (a.k.a. have natural childbirth).
That being said - have I ever said I am anti-epidural? Absolutely not. Epidurals have their time and place. It is also my belief that some women have the idea in their mind that epidurals are designed to take all of the pain/pressure away. A good epidural leaves sensation of contractions, and leaves definite sensation in the perineum/rectal area so that she can actively push her baby out.
On the other hand: a bad epidural is too strong, totally numbs from the ribcage all the way down to her feet, and leaves the woman with absolutely no sensation of when she has contractions or when she needs to push.
Wonderful! You are so right about all 8 points! When I had my fourth child, I felt she spent way too long on that warming table. My husband videotaped her on it while my nurse talked to anoher nurse for what felt like forever. (In reality it was 7 minutes). There may have been reason for it, and in retrospect I could have asked the nurse to bring her to me but I was a little afraid to make the demand (not sure why). Why people can't just enjoy that short, and precious moment without those devices perplexes me. Do they want to remember their brand new little one right at that moment, or do they want to remember texting their Bff, sister, co worker, etc., etc.. about this baby waiting to be cuddled and loved?
I had a friend who wanted me to call or email her as soon as I had my son. I didn't do that, but was on the phone trying to make sure my mom was coming(weather issues were interfering with flights). And I so wish my husband had of handled that for me so I could have spent all my time focused on my baby. I can't imagine being on the phone because I wanted too...my baby was too amazing to ingnore!
Wow! If that's a glimpse of things to come, I really feel sorry for that child.
Twitter, facebook, etc can wait. Bond with your child!
Ridiculous!
There are plenty of twitter updates from women doing homebirths and there are no epidurals there. So the texting issue is more cultural. We have become like the Borg from Star Trek part of the collective and always plugged in!
anon: since all we see as OB RNs is hospital births, that is what we comment on...it IS a thing done in our society that most people consider "normal" and it is that which we feel depersonalizes. Why do people choose to FB and tweet when there are actual human beings - no less one's own new little baby - to bond with??? It is a mystery to me.
This very issue actually caused arguments in my extended family before the birth of our son last month!
Hubby and I had decided we would not text/call everyone to notify them of the birth until we were settled, comfortable and felt well enough rested to deal with the questions, grandparents and other close family included. Well you should have heard the complaints from my mum. She wanted us to call her no matter what time or situation to let us know he was born...
I was complaining to my midwife about it, saying that my mother just didn't seem to understand and she replied that she didn't mind how long we waited to announce the birth, but could we please not call people until at least after the placenta was born...
I was floored, I couldn't believe people would even be considering getting on a telephone within minutes of their precious bundle arriving, but she assured me she's seen it happen..
As it turned out Hubby and I were happy to just sit and stare at him for well over an hour before I even wanted to move off the tile floor! It's a magical moment you can never get back, it should be treasured, not squandered on the internet or phone!
This happens in hospice too. The last breath, we pronounce, and the phones flip out.
I usually suggest we all put them away and just sit a moment.
Last week I had a first--the patient (and I) were on webcam around the globe to family members for several hours at the end.
It is difficult because people expect pictures. Everyone wants to the see the baby and how mom is doing. I think that this is going to be an increasing problem as social media becomes more and more popular. This leaves little time for breastfeeding, getting rest, and changing meconium-stained dipes!
I know of some people who have their spouses post the pictures and such. Having a parent, significant other, friend, or family member handle pictures on facebook, forums, and blogs would give the mom time to bond with baby. I also know of some moms who had blog posts scheduled for the weeks that they were probably going to give birth and told their audience that they would have to wait for details and pics since family comes first.
I had a home birth, caught on camera, with the TV on in the background:-)
We did wait a while before calling anyone....and skin on skin was straight away, and didn't really stop:) 7 months later and bub's favorite place is still in a sling on my front.
Having said this, my first born was an emergency C-section, the hospital had him unwrapped, skin on skin, and on the breast in recovery. They roomed him in with me, and had an LC on hand at all times for feeding questions.
Mobile phones were used to take pictures of us in recovery ( my parents) but no texts were sent until much later.
I had a natural birth with a midwife and didn't truly bond to my baby for 6 months. When he was born they put him on my chest, he looked at me, I looked at him, and at that moment I would've traded him for a shower and a ham sandwich after 15 hours of agonizing labor.
So I would say the statement that epidurals interfere with bonding is quite wrong, I beleive pain and exhaustion can have just as much of an effect. Also, well, some people need to grow into love, and that takes time.
I think bonding really depends on all of the circumstances of birth. I had an induced labor with twins and due to some crazy contractions and back pain the night before, only got three hours sleep, then another two after the epidural went in. I held my first twin for a long time after she was born, but because I was so exhausted I was pretty out of it. I also was having a post-partum hemmorage so I only got to see a brief glimpse of my second girl as they were frantically trying to sew me up and stop the bleeding. I then had to be knocked out completely and taken to the general OR to get everything fixed. I didn't get to see the girls again until the next day, and only for 15 minutes. It took me just as long to bond with the twin that I held right away as the one that I didn't hold until the next day.
I disagree with the judging. Really if this is how some women/people choose to celebrate their births, then so be it.
I know that one of the joys, for me, of good news is that I can share it with my loving family and friends. Facebook, texting, blogging even, is a way to keep in touch with family and friends for some people. If a best friend in Japan can't be there for the birth, and someone wants a picture right away to send out or post, then good for them.
Really how do you know that their personal electronic/gadget use isn't enhancing their experience?
Excellent post! If only hospitals made it policy to follow your recomendations!
For me, I never had an epidural, but a pre-labor scheduled cesarean. And that was the biggest dissasociation there ever was. One miniute I was pregnant, next had surgery, and then two hours later handed baby burrito. Talk about no chemical or hormonal feedback that baby was going to be entering the world.
With my last baby dh snapped pictures immediately following birth, about three-one with vernix, one without and one nursing and sent them to our children at home, my mom and his parents and called the same people to tell of his arrival. They are the same people, if things were different, that would have been in the waiting room.
Oh and he sent the pictures and called ONE friend of mine who then started telling everyone else.
I am an extrovert by nature and sharing is what I do :D
My son was in my arms within seconds of birth and stayed there for an hour, 45 minutes of which was nursing. It was very healing for me as my previous baby had been in trouble from the get-go and the time he did spend in my arms was anxiety-ridden as he was grunting and I *knew* something was wrong. I didn't hold him again for 3 days as he was too unstable.
As for the epidurals..I've birthed with and without an epidural. The epidural didn't make me love my baby any less or anything but there definitely is something missing for *ME* when I have an epidural vs. don't. There is something about that switch that is flipped from the moment just before you give birth to the moment that baby is out. Everything is so turned incredibly inward in those last few pushes and then in just one moment that intensity of focus is directed toward the baby. When I have an epidural I am aware and paying attention to the nurse, the doctor, the sound of the monitors, my husbands face, if it is day or night etc....and the awareness of all those things continues after the baby arrives. When there is no epidural, it is me and the baby and everyone and everything else is barely there.
I disagree that getting an epidural is going to affect the bonding process, especially a good epidural. I labored for 12 hours before the pain was bad enough that I wanted an epidural, and then it was another 1 1/2 before I got the epidural. I was exhausted, oh did I mention that labor started at 11 pm? At that point I was so glad that I had an hour and a half of labor without the intense pain, so I could rest a little bit and have more energy to enjoy my child.
I do wish more nurses and doctors agreed with you on letting the mother hold the baby after birth, for as long as she wants. Getting weighed or bathed isn't that big of a deal. When I first checked into the hospital, I mentioned that I wanted to hold my child immediantly after birth. The nurse wrote "Baby on Tummy" in big letters on the white-board in the room. I was relieved that I didn't have to fight for it, that the hospital team seemed so willing to let me enjoy the experience as I wanted. However, when I had her, the doctor handed me the baby for all of 10 seconds before the pediatric nurse yanked her away. I didn't even get the chance to cuddle her next to my chest. And then they took her away to be bathed, and I didn't get her back until after I'd finished delivering the placenta and transfered to another room. Later when I asked for the reason why, I was told it was because she was too small and that I tore. I was furious, I knew both of those answers were a cope out. My tearing needed only 1 stitch, that's it, just to help speed up the healing. And of course she was small, she's a newborn, but she wasn't that small, and even if she was, you hadn't weighed her yet so how'd you know. Apparently under 6 pounds is there at risk baby, but I don't know how she'd known before hand that my baby was a few oz. short, and she was screaming plenty loud, and rooting, which I think where some good signs that she was doing okay enough that I could've used at least a minute.
Your points are how our birth went at Tucson Birth and Women's Health center and I was so glad it did. We had no electronics in the room and my cell was off since my mom kept calling. (it was my preference that anyone who was there at conception could be present at the birth:) I find it funny that people understand they can't expect to reach you if you are running a marathon, but think you should take calls during labor!
This picture gave me a bit of laugh. I too am a L&D nurse in Minnesota. People can really surprise you sometimes, I mean seriously, lets be in the hear and now and put down your electronics. Actually, that could go for many things in life...
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