I'm looking for as many ideas and patterns as I can find out there.
We are woefully understocked in supplies for 2nd trimester fetal demises - especially for little boys. We are overstocked with full term baby girl items (blankets, clothing, hats, booties).
Either we have a lot of fetal demises with boys, or we just had girl-happy volunteers who made a ton of baby girl items.
So, what am I asking for? Your ideas and creativity.
What do I know how to do? Simple sewing and very simple knitting. I don't know how to crochet. Quite honestly, I'm not interested in learning how right now either.
I'm thinking of making very simple but tasteful blankets and fetal demise pouches for little boys. As I said, we are woefully understocked in any of the boy items. We seem to have had quite a few fetal demises at 18-22 weeks lately. The 18 week babies are super tiny - about 3-4 ounces, 6-7 inches long. Their skin is extremely fragile and, for no other way to describe it, "leaky".
Here is a fetal demise pouch sample. I am not crazy about the trim or even the ribbons. Once again, too girly and frilly. Not very appropriate for little boys. I would probably make something in this rough design, but skip the trim.
Blankets....those are fairly simple. Two pieces of thin fleece/flannel, sewn together, turned out, finish the edge closed. No fancy lace or trim. Just nice, simple blankets.
Hats.......another dilemma. Too many big, largely knit girly and plain ugly hats. How am I going to put one of these montrosities on a teeny tiny baby boy? Simple. I'm not. (Thank you to the volunteers who made these, but we need things much simpler, without bold and garish colors......and in BLUE for the boys.)
Like I said, I only know how to do a simple knit stitch, so I'm thinking of a jersey fabric, to create simple caps. Very tiny caps. I found one pattern for this.
Here is a pattern for a fetal demise robe. I think I'll try some of these as well to see how they turn out.
20 comments:
In my experience, the best approach is to have "clothing" that will optimize photos of the deceased. The pictures are going to be the longest lasting memento. (Learning how to snap a picture with good lighting is really helpful in bereavement care.) Hats are kind of useless with very young babies, their head size is so disproportionate, so I like swaddling them in a tiny square of soft fabric. Then the parents can view the baby little by little, admiring toes & fingernails, unwrapping as much as they feel comfortable rather than trying to fit a fetus-sized baby into real clothes. Folds of the swaddling can also conceal unpleasant injuries. Stitching trim & little belts on a cut up baby blanket would work well, even better than knitting. The proportions in that pattern you found are good it's just too frilly. You know how baby bath towels have a little hood? Try making something like that to replace hats. I've also seen crocheted clam shell-shaped pouches used, kind of like a tiny sleeping bag for the baby.
Choose colors that will offset the cold, greenish hospital lighting & the cyanotic skin colors- warm neutrals, peach & teal, anything with a hand-dyed appearance works well. I found soft flannels or brushed cotton (like well washed blankets) is a good texture. Look for baby appropriate patterns in good colors, not too bright, not too cartoon-y. Tiny prints or stripes are best to avoid overwhelming the tiny bodies.
I've lost 3 micropreemies (<500g) of my own and the details of a good handprint- use tape to splay the fingers while making the print if needed & good snapshots- details of hands, profile of a nose, etc.- are the most important items in their baby books. Any & all personal attention to detail while helping a family get through a loss will help, even if they reject the help at first.
You might want to check out layer cakes, they're 10x10 inch squares that are precut and come in a vast variety of prints, you could use the above commenter's suggestion of making a hooded towel by placing a charm square (5x5 inch squares) folded and placed into the corner.
Check out remnant bins at your local fabric stores as well. You can very often find a good variety of fabrics in what you're looking for.
What a noble project!
T had some awesome ideas. The pictures really are the most important.
I just wanted to say that personally, I wouldn't choose blue for the boys. Maybe white with blue trim.. but when E was still little - 29, 30 weeks - he looked ghastly in blue.. it made his coloring look like he was.. well.. dead. I think yellow or green, or even white would kind of offset the awful coloring that those babies will have.
B was a girl, so her stuff was pink, but her hat was white with a pink ribbon. It was so precious and it really helped with how she looked in the pictures after she'd passed.
I think it's amazing that you're doing that :) It helped soo much to have little things that fit B. I still have the clothes we put her in, except the hat, which we used as part of her burial outfit.
Thank you ladies. I appreciate ALL of your feedback on this.
We already do footprints, handprints, and imprints of hands and feet (the soft clay - we have kits to make these). We also take digital pictures that we print out. Several of us nurses are talented at photography, and take very tasteful pictures for the families.
We also utilize the services of Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep for professional photos, if the family desires, and if the gestational age is appropriate.
I don't have a suggestion... just a thank-you for the compassion you show towards families that have lost a (very) little one. Thank you.
Link for you...and you can contact this woman because she will respond. She has dealt with a lot of women who have miscarried or had babies die later in pregnancy. She may know of some things you could do, and also may have a few book suggestions for you to add if that's a posibility when it comes to comforting the mom.
http://pregnancyloss.info/
Blessings!
Dawn
We have several church sewing circles that make things for our unit. You may see if anyone has contacts with those groups. I do have to say some things aren't always appropriate such as little rompers and jumpsuits. How would you ever get a little 20 weeker in one?
My favorite for early losses is a knit item that looks like a hotdog bun. It cradles the baby and gives the family something stable to hold the baby. I have found directions on the web by googling demise outfits or something like that.
One of our MD's bought us 2 bolts of fleece that I cut into blankets with my wavy edge rotary cutter. Nice looking, inexpensive, and quick to do. Plus it was easy to vary the size for different terms.
I don't know about elsewhere, but we rarely get a demise after 28 weeks so having items for early losses it what we have several cabinet full of things for. We do have a level 3 NICU so we do use some larger items for them if necessary.
Hope this helps.
I echo the earlier comments. What a beautiful act of mercy you are performing with this work. Thank you. I know the parents will treasure your thoughtful gifts until the day they die.
As an aside, any idea why so many recent 2nd trimester losses?
I know they are doing studies which appear to be finding a link between H1N1 vax and this, but I had never actually heard someone in the field say, "Wow, lots of late losses these days."
I did not have a chance to look through all of the comments but, have you heard of Threads of Remembrance? They can be contacted through Bereavement Services the RTS people.
We have a few churches who sew for us. This helps so very much.
We have a constant flow of stuff that comes to me though volunteers...unfortunately, so many of the items are not of nice yarn. Between the sweet ladies being low income and of the depression era, we get some very inappropriate colors and scratchy fabric.
But, I must say, I am touched by the generosity of those who make the items. It is a labor of love.
We have gotten memory boxes from Memory Box Artists. Some have been gorgeous. All are donated.
I am with you...always struggling to keep up with the boys.
Also, I wish I was a crafter. It would be great to be able to make the items that we run short on.
Thanks for this post. As you know, it is near and dear to my heart. It would be great if some of your readers would be able to help with these needs for their local hospitals.
I'm a fairly advanced knitter. I can make some hats and I'll try to come up with a pattern for a pouch.
One of my less pleasant duties as a medic was to deliver a 19 week-er, so I have an idea of the sizes you'll need.
If you can, please email me at dharmagirl69@gmail.com.
As a knitter and mom, I have to say that many knitters just like to knit the girly/frilly things. It just seems more in line with being women ourselves.
I would highly recommend that you discuss with the group who supplies your donated knitted items, what you need. I totally agree, a hat made in bulky, or even worsted weight yarn would be terrible on a preemie. Many knitters don't know about this, or just don't use finer yarns because it takes longer.
If you can find machine knitters, those that use a "standard gauge" machine can quickly and easily knit up fine weight items, especially blankets. The yarn is often finer than sock yarn. But again, let them know what your needs are. I'm partial to yellow (as long as there is decent lighting or an adjustable camera--even going next to a window can help).
It's a sad topic, but I'm grateful to hear from an insider what the needs are!
"I know they are doing studies which appear to be finding a link between H1N1 vax and this, but I had never actually heard someone in the field say, "Wow, lots of late losses these days.""
This sounds like anti-vax fear propaganda to me. Let's see some links to these alleged studies.
The reality is, I've seen more than a handful of 2nd trimester losses recently related to women getting ill with the H1NI flu.
Anon,
Though I don't frequent them, I occasionally read the "Birth Announcements for April 2010" board in the pregnancy forums at Baby Center.
There are several "birth announcements" which are actually 2nd trimester miscarriage announcements that mention that the author is now involved in a vax/miscarriage study. Carrie Ann's mentions the CDC specifically. I don't have any reason to assume the grieving mothers are lying.
This is anecdotal, sure, and probably just a "surveillance" by the CDC, but my question is honest. I am in my 2nd trimester and naturally worried about what causes such late miscarriages. (I have a hx of cone biopsy but a competent cervix, so far. The 2nd trimester has been stressful for me.)
There are many causes for miscarriage, all of which unnerve me.
Cathy -
Message Boards, in my experience, are not a great place for information. Especially in things related to pregnancy!
The fear of loss is very common. There has never been a study showing a correlation between flu or H1N1 vaccines and miscarriage. There have been correlations found, however, between GETTING the flu/h1n1 and miscarriage.
Congratulations on your pregnancy! Stick with your trusted HCP for pre-natal care and information. I hope you have an uneventful pregnancy and a fantastic birth experience.
I don't sew or knit, but am extremely impressed with the compassion and sympathy your acts will show those in need. Thanks for your efforts. Nice post and comments.
I am just completing doctoral research on moms' experiences after losses. In my group of moms, there were three categories of mementoes that were particularly appreciated later on:
1) tangible/touching - hand molds were big, as you mentioned. Some moms got these bronzed to preserve them. Also, documenting a touch connection with the baby - for example, a photograph showing the baby lying on a special blanket, and then keeping the blanket and the photo as mementoes that together provide an ongoing "touch connection"
2) "normalizing" - For example, I saw a lot of pictures of deceased babies on scales showing the baby's weight. This reflected a theme of doing things just as you would for a living baby (ie, avoiding an impression of second-class treatment).
3) Documenting a family connection - pictures of the baby with siblings, grandparents, etc.
4) oops! A fourth one - documentation that provides "official" recognition of the baby's existence. Some moms were upset that they didn't get a birth certificate. I know there are state laws governing acutal birth certificates, but some hospitals are providing certificates that while not having any real legal status, do send the message that "officialdom recognizes the reality of your loss"
Thank you so very much Alath! Those are all very important concepts that we need to remember when creating the physical memories and momentos for the parents.
i volunteer for an organization called Heavenly Angels in Need. We donate exactly what you're looking for. Please get in touch w/ us at www.heavenlyangelsinneed.com and we'll put you on our list of hospitals in need.
As a non-mom, I never thought about demise pouches, but they make total sense to me. I belong to a knit/crochet group that makes preemie hats and blankets among other things. I really believe the ladies who help you would use the right yarn if they knew it mattered. You can get a huge skein of baby yarn with a coupon for under $5 at AC Moore. It seems to me that someone could swing this for such a good cause.
Thank you for the info and for helping out the families in their time of need.
Kathy
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