Old habits really die hard

I'm talking about overeating and grazing of food. I'm back onto that wagon again. I wasn't able to graze or mindlessly eat in the first few years after my gastric bypass, but I have found in the past year, that I am grazing more and more.

And what has that led to? Yes, weight gain. Only about ten pounds in the past year, but it's still ten pounds.

I have read about obese people having food addictions (yep, I can definitely relate to that). And then after weight loss surgery, we (the former obese people) have transfer or cross addictions. For some, it's shopping (been there, done that), others it's alcohol or drugs, and for others it may be something else entirely - maybe a caffeine addiction (hello! That's me!). Or maybe even a transfer addiction to sex.

I tell you, just when you think your brain has been rewired enough to not have a food addiction, it pops back up again. I think that THIS is probably one of the least discussed subjects BEFORE weight loss surgery takes place. Or, you think it won't happen to you.

But it does.

And it sucks.

I do not want to ruin my "tool" a/k/a my re-routed, malabsorptive GI tract. I don't want to have the overdistended pouch that can tolerate larger and larger quantities of food. But most of all, I don't want to be obese again.

The key to fixing this problem? Realizing that it's a problem, and that it exists. Getting my ass back into a regular exercise regimen. Yeah, I have definitely let exercise sliiiiiiiiiiiiide to the back burner since I've been in school. Especially this past year!

I need to find that inner motivation, and get moving more. I wonder how much I will sacrifice to find that motivation? Family? School?

I fear that school will get worse before it gets better. In other words, clinical time is going to be pure hell when it comes to neglecting my family and myself. Physically, I anticipate it will be very draining, and the lack of sleep during that time may really get to me. You see, I have to work - I have no choice. I am the major breadwinner. It will be work and clinicals - which will be a very draining schedule.

So much to consider, so much to worry and think about.